(Ed. note: I wish I was a good enough writer to properly put my theory on the blog. I know it was allot funnier in my head in the middle of my long run. Enjoy and mock away in the comments)
I was planning on writing my theory of the blogosphere disappearance of one Glaven Q. Heisenberg. Realizing that G is a sensative soul, I have instead decided to write a story about a completely fictional blogger name Gloven. Plus I don't want to get sued for libel, he might get my fortune of approximately $2.35, $1.85 (got thirsty).
Now Gloven, aka G-love, is a humble librarian in the great northeast, possibly even in Jersey somewhere. G-love is a runner and enjoys a hearty banter on teh interwebs. He also has some weird obsession with his own n*ts@ck and an@l love.
See, doesn't sound like anyone I know.
Every year G-love and the Misses would go on their an@l annual vacation to Teh Great Concavity. This also meant this was G-love's time to try to get into Teh Great Body Cavity that he so desires.
On the first night of vacation:
G-love: Hey baby, you know what big daddy G-love needs?
Misses: No
G-love: But I read that MooLoo lets Mr Moo do it!
Misses: No
G-love: I can be like Needle! You won't feel a thing!
Misses: No
G-love: I bet ToyBum would let me...
Misses: Oh hell no!
As usual, G-love is denied what he desires.
The next day, G-love devises a plan...
After a nice dinner, G-love and the Misses retire to hotel. G-love surprises the Misses with a bottle of wine. While G-love pours up a couple glasses of wine, he slips a roufie he picked up from the dealer at the softball game that day.
Unfortunately, G-love isn't that bright and gives the Misses the wrong glass. As they are drinking, G-love starts to fell weird all over and the room starts spinning.
The next morning, G-love wakes up without a clue of what happened the night before. The last thing he can remember is slipping the roufie into the Misses drink.
Misses: G-love, last night was sooo amazing!
G-love: Yeah....yeah, it was.
Misses: I can't believe that you would give up contact with all your friends to finally fulfill your dreams.
G-love: Um...yeah...it was totally worth it
G-love is franticly trying to remember last night, but nothing is coming back. He also realizes that his only friends are on-line and now he has to give them up. What will MooLoo, ToyBum, Dr Ric, Steve R and all his other blogger friends think?
G-love: Honey, do I really have to give up all my friends?
Misses: Well, you got what you wanted, now I get what I wanted.
The Misses, knowing full well that G-love passed out at 8:15 the night before, is finally getting her revenge for his an@l pestering ways.
Now, G-love has learned the truth and has returned to teh interwebs to spread his pervertedness with the masses.
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ZOMG!1! This Gloven sounds like such an effin LUUUUZER!1! So lame he probably couldn't get anal in a whole room just chock full of LooMoos, and she has "Anal: Not Just Another Pain in Teh @$$" tattoo'd right on her TAINT!1! (Yeah, that's a lot of text, but, luckily, she's 97.6% taint, so there's still room there for Teh Frostburgg Bill of Rights, of which there are but two, one of which spells out Mr. Moose's Right to Anniversary Anal, because, MAN, does THAT guy ever have POLITICAL JUICE in Frostburgg!1! Note though, the loophole: It doesn't specify with WHOM. And that's why Teh Second Right, which is really just an codicil to the first, reads, in full: "I.e., with The Loose Moose." And that second "right" is why all the other women (and men) in Frostburgg were content not to have had any "rights" conferred on them and they walk arounf Frostburgg like their anuses are untouchable.)
ReplyDeleteBut, anyroad, my point is only that this Gloven is pretty damn lame-sounding.
But it sounds like someone has a crush on him! Someone who has spent entirely too much time fantasizing about his sex life ...
I'm looking in your direction ... toyBuM!1!
Hahahahahaha! I bet you thought I was gonna say Needledick!
LOL LOL LOL!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteGlaven, you're going to have to post the REAL reason for your absence, or else we'll all just accept Deedle's theory as fact. The Untouchable Anuses of Frostburgg and I demand to know! (We're nosy like that...and relentless.)
LuMu,
ReplyDeleteNeedled*ck's explanation pretty much nails it.
Verily, his needled*ck point due north.
Which, of course, is just slang for anal.